I come from a background of civil war. Many family members disappeared and were killed during the war in Angola including my dad's eldest brother who was taken by Unita – the opposition party at the time. The body was never found and there would be no good-byes or final farewells. The decision had been made for us and nothing could be done. In that moment we were powerless, emotions filled with grief and anger. It created an imperishable wound in my family structure which continues to sting today.
I found a deeper understanding of these traumas through constellation therapy. Your family is an inter-connected web of stars, and every change is affected. Alongside family members, my family also lost a lot of values and had to create new ones. My family found comfort in religion to ameliorate the wound. Although I'm no longer religious, I'm spiritual and strongly believe I need to be connected to the rest of the world rather than be isolated.
Growing up in south London, the future of becoming a major criminal or drug dealer seemed to be more realistic than going to university. However, despite these odds, I persevered and overall had pleasant childhood memories playing around in the roads and parks. I used to play football all the time and even played semi-pro until I was 17. I played for West Wickham and Junior Reds and had trials for Leyton Orient and Chelsea Football Club. My family pushed me to make a choice between university or a career in sport. At the time, I had no energy to bet on myself, and so I attended university.
From 2010-2012 I came to UEL to study law. I was a very engaged student and joined the law society and any other community I could make time for. My choice to study law goes back to my childhood. I've always been political, and I would always negotiate with my family members, questioning everything. After graduating, I still stayed active within the industry. I went and worked for a legal firm and a Crown Court before deciding to work for London Met as a Detective Constable.
My time in the London Met Police Service has been a very intense experience and isn't for the faint of heart. I didn't have a uniform background and I was thrown straight into the deep end. I have investigated section 18s (just below murders) for GBH or serious injury. Now I work with the child abuse investigation team which focus on protecting children from abuse in all forms; spiritual, sexual, physical. Sometimes you are removing children as young as 6 months from their parents. It's one of the most challenging roles I've ever done in my life, but someone needs to help these children.
All these past experiences have led to me to become a motivational coach. The passing rate of my school was around 15% when I left, and I'd say around only 5% are doing well in life. I look at the people that grew up with me and didn't get out, and I just knew I had to give back. I've become a motivational coach so that I can help individuals with my same background push through despite all the obstacles and inequalities they face so that they can make something of themselves too.
I am currently looking to expand upon life coaching, and I'm training to become a relationship coach. When people break-up, they need to take back the power to fill the gap with. We are creators of the relationship we have with ourselves. Many of us grew up viewing divorce as bad. However, divorce is part of the bigger journey. You have learnt something, developed, and transformed, but now the world needs you for a different purpose.
If I could give you an exercise for wellness it would be mediation. Take 15 minutes to just breath and bring oxygen into your brain. You'll slowly realise how your perceptions will change, and you'll feel a sense of newness and lightness into your life.